


Off the Beaten Path

by soprano193



Category: Castle
Genre: Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3738832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soprano193/pseuds/soprano193
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they talked about starting a family, this is NOT what either of them had in mind.  My contribution to Castle Fanfic Monday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Book signings could be boring. He wasn't supposed to say that, and he would never let his fans know, but he would much rather be out in the field with his wife, taking down some psycho killer. He tried to engage each and every fan. This made the experience exciting for them, and time appeared to move faster to him. That was, until Paula got antsy, making him hurry through the line. He hated that part, the part when he didn't have time to look his fans in the eye because they were moving so fast. Wasn't he supposed to be connecting with the fans, wasn't what this was all about? As soon as it became about the numbers and not the fans, he was done.

The next few hours became a flurry of pages and names in the back of that small bookstore. His eyes glazed over as he saw person after person in front of him. That all stopped when there was a body in front of him, but no book. He looked up, making eye contact with a very apprehensive teenage boy. He had dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, and he was studying Castle's every move. "I can't sign unless you give me a book." He said, raising his eyebrows and smirking at the boy.

"I don't have a book." The boy watched him, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied Castle's face.

"So, you want a selfie?" Castle asked, now confused. This didn't happen often, and this kid seemed younger than his usual audience.

"No." The teen's eyes softened then, and Castle was met with a sense of recognition, just for a moment, before he could place his finger on it. The kid's mouth fell open and his eyes searched the air around him for the words he wanted to say. "I think you're my father."

The room fell silent. Whether that was actually the case, or if it just seemed that way, Castle couldn't tell. "Okay, that's sweet kid, but unless you have a book you need to move along." Paula put her hands on his shoulder and shoved him down the table, ushering the next group of people forward.

"Wait!" Castle shouted, stopping her. Because his heart had stopped and he could see it. That bit of recognition from before made perfect sense now. Alexis had looked at him like that so many times, the exact same expression. And now that he studied the teen, he could see it. Sure, his hair was blonde, his face a bit fuller, and his nose more round, but the boy looked like he had once. He pulled out a piece of paper, the ones he always kept nearby for people without books. "What's your name?"

He shoved his hands into the pockets on his hoodie. "Zachary. Zachary Bramble. My Mom's name is Charlotte."

Castle wrote the information down as Zach spoke, recognizing his Mom's name as he wrote it down. If he didn't believe it at first, he was believing it now. "Okay." He sighed, unsure of what to do. "I can't leave right now, but can you write down your number here? Wherever I can contact you?"

Zachary's eyebrows furrowed as he thought. "I don't have a phone, Mom says I don't need one. But I spend a lot of time nearby. Can I write down a meeting place?" Castle nodded as he handed over the paper. As Zach wrote, he spoke, his voice a whisper. "You work with the police sometimes, right?"

Castle bobbed his head up and down, studying the boy's movements. It was eerie, watching someone who looked like him, someone who might be part of him that he had never met before. "I work with the police a lot. My wife is a cop." He wanted to take back the words as soon as he said them. This kid had grown up without him, without a normal home life, and he was dangling his family in front of the poor kid.

Zach grinned despite Castle's slip of the tongue, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a Ziploc baggie with a chunk of hair in it. "You can test it, if you want." His face fell again. "There's not a lot of time. My mom…" He trailed off before shaking his head, putting up a mask and hiding his feelings. "I'll be there pretty much every day." He indicated his writing on the paper.

Castle nodded, pushing it to the side without looking at it. "I'll be in touch tonight. I promise." As the boy walked away, Castle pulled out his phone, and called his lawyer, despite the angry looks from Paula. "Yeah, you know that fan mail that you weed out, the really crazy ones? How long do you keep that?"

* * *

"A son?" Kate's mouth dropped across the booth from him at Remy's.

He shrugged. "Maybe, I don't know! But he look like me, and he has Alexis' eyes, and I remember his mother's name, and it looks like the dates match up."

"You remember his mother?" She looked hurt by that thought, a flash of insecurity flashed in her eyes that he thought she had managed to conquer.

"Yeah." She pulled away from him, her arms crossing across her chest. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I thought we were past all that? Yes, I slept with her, almost fourteen years ago. Why does that mean anything to you now?"

Her arms lowered as his words sunk in. "Okay, but you realize that when we talked about starting a family, this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

He wanted to chuckle, but found it difficult in his current situation. "This wasn't my plan either." He protested, relaxing slightly as he saw her reassuring grin. She shifted closer to the table, reaching out to hold his hand. "The ink on my divorce papers had just dried, and I was feeling like a failure. My second marriage was over, and I thought that I would never find my perfect match. I hate to admit it, but Charlotte was a way for me to not feel like a failure anymore."

She squeezed his hand a bit tighter. "I'd be lying if I said I had never done that. Mostly in college, but I've been there." She tapped his hand, moving to her burger. "What do you want to do next?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, there aren't exactly information pamphlets about this." He popped a french fry into his mouth. "He gave me his hair."

Kate laughed, releasing the tension in the air around them. "What did you do with it?"

He pulled the bag out of his pocket. "It's here. But I didn't know if it would be easier to do it in the lab, with Lanie. And I didn't want to do anything without talking to you." He pulled out the piece of paper, which he had folded, still not looking at the address. "This is his address, if you want to go meet him with me?"

She chuckled. "You have to bring your cop wife? What did you do to this woman?" She grabbed the paper and unwrapped it, her face falling as she glanced at the writing. She put the paper down, her hazel eyes meeting his. "Castle. This is a room number at Mount Saini."

* * *

The cancer ward. His son was spending time in the cancer ward. And all Rick could think was that he just met this child, his child, just to lose him. Would it even be worth it to start a relationship if Zach was going to be gone soon? But by denying a relationship, who would he be protecting, Zachary or himself? He had to take a deep breath to stop his racing mind. They didn't even know if Zachary was his yet. It didn't matter that he was inexplicably pulled into this boy, that he was so sure of it, because in the end they didn't actually know.

When he entered the room, Castle was somewhat relieved to see Zachary sitting beside the bed. Guilt for that reaction spread throughout his body once he realized who was in the bed. Charlotte was asleep, didn't even see them enter. She looked thin, so thin, and Castle could feel his heart breaking in two as he took the sight of her in. Before he could speak, a large older man blocked his vision. "Who are you? What do you want here?" His eyes were puffy and red, and the dark circles underneath them revealed his lack of sleep. But despite all of that, he was intimidating, menacing, because how dare they interrupt his last few days with his daughter.

Castle felt Kate's grip on his arm tighten as he took a few steps back. He admired the older man for his dedication to his family, dedication to scare away unwanted visitors. He figured he would be the same way if Alexis was ever sick. The exchange caught Zach's attention, and he hopped up from the chair at her bedside and walked toward them. He placed his hand on the older man shoulder, the touch so soft that Castle wondered if the older man even felt it. "Grandpa, they're here to talk to me." Castle watched the man shrink a bit, as he went back to the chairs near the door. An older woman was asleep there, her head resting in her fist. It couldn't be comfortable. As the man sat down, she leaned against him instead, a sad sigh escaping her lips. What had they walked into? Zachary pointed out the door. "We can talk in the waiting room." He led the way down the hallway, finding the waiting room empty and leading them into the furthest corner from the door. They sat around a little table that was there, and Castle imagined him doing his homework in this spot. Zach held out his hand to Kate. "Hi. I'm Zach."

She smiled at him, but Castle could see the sadness in her eyes. "Kate. It's nice to meet you."

Zach trained his eyes on Castle. "Did you test the hair?"

Castle shook his head. "Not yet. There's a chain of custody issue, it would be easier to take you to the lab with me." He offered, and saw his wife grin in the corner of his eye. "I thought we could make a day out of it, but if you didn't want to, I'd understand."

He shrugged. "I mean, I love my Mom, but I want to get out of here sometimes." He glanced back at Kate, pulling at the bottom of his ear. "I figured if you had brought your lawyer, you must have tested the hair."

Kate grinned then, chuckling softly. "I'm not a lawyer." She was dressed up more than usual, her hair pulled back into a bun and a nicer blazer, which she pushed aside revealing her badge. "I did have to testify in court today, but I'm a cop."

"She's my wife." Castle continued, offering a shy smile. "I just thought that you'd want to spend more time with me, and it could be cool for you to meet her too." He broke out into a huge grin at that point as he imagined them spending time together. "Oh, and you're going to love Alexis! She's your sister, she's 20, but she's really cool. And your Grandmother is just out of this world, I can't wait for you to meet her too." He stopped then, realizing that he hadn't told them yet, that he had no clue how they would respond.

He could see Zach retreating into his chair, his fingers pulling at his earlobe again. "I mean, I'm sure they are, but this is all kind of sudden, and I'm not even sure you are my father yet. I mean, Mom was really sure, but this is all overwhelming for me."

Castle nodded. "Of course. How did you find out about me anyway?"

Zach crossed his arms, as if he was worried he would get in trouble. A fact that Castle found mildly amusing, because he had never needed to discipline this child. "I sort of read her diary. This whole entry actually about how you were such a good father to your daughter, and how much it hurt her that I never had that."

Castle felt guilty again, the feeling like a boulder in the pit of his stomach. Kate reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm trying to figure out what happened, why I never heard about you. But I promise you, that is going to change. I'll be here no matter what. Starting tomorrow. What do you say we meet my friend Lanie tomorrow at the precinct to do the DNA test, and get dinner? And then I'll bring you back here."

Zachary nodded slowly. "I go to school at the Literary Arts Academy, I'm in the Dual Language Program. Pick me up there?"

Castle nodded and smiled at the boy. "Of course, see you there."


	2. Chapter 2

Back at the loft, in their mailbox, Castle found four envelopes, each with letters and pictures from Charlotte.  They were wrapped with a rubber band, and a green sticky note was stuck to the one on top.  _These are the letters from the woman in question.  We dropped the ball on this one.  Sorry._   He felt the anger in the pit of his stomach.  Ten years.  That’s how long they kept those letters for.  He had letters from the time Zach was three to when he was seven.  That’s when Charlotte gave up on him.  All letters and pictures of his son at an earlier stage were destroyed. 

He sat on the bed, the pictures spread out in front of him as he read each letter.  As angry as he was for missing out on Zach’s life, he was so happy to have these little glimpses, the funny things that he did each day.  _He asked about you for the first time the other day.  “Why do other kids have a Daddy and I don’t?”  It broke my heart a bit, but I promise I didn’t put you down in his eyes.  I realize that you probably have never even seen these letters.  I bet someone has them tucked away, and that I’m on a long list of women trying to claim Richard Castle as their baby’s Daddy.  I don’t want anything from you though.  You gave me one night, which we both went into knowing it would never be more than that, and in that night you gave me my wonderful son.  I just wish that you could see how wonderful he is._   Castle had given word to his lawyer that all letters like this from 2010 and before be sent to him.  He didn’t think that he had any more children out there, but he didn’t want ones like these, like Zachary, to fall through the cracks.  Anything after 2010 he didn’t worry about, those claims he knew without a doubt were unfounded. 

Kate left him alone for a bit.  He could hear her in the office though, talking on her phone in hushed tones.  As much as his life was turning on its axis, he knew hers was too.  There were only two people in the world she could talk to when this happened and currently she was talking one of their ears off.  He ignored her voice and looked at the pictures, rearranging them and studying them one by one.  He studied them again, trying to arrange them by age to the best of his ability, watching his son’s life pass in pictures in chronological order. 

When Zach turned seven, Charlotte stopped writing.  His writer brain wondered why.  She wrote a new letter on Zach’s birthday every year, but never sent one after he turned seven.  Did she give up hope that he would ever see these? Did she see something about him and Alexis then and decide he just didn’t want Zach?  Maybe that is when she started her battle with cancer, and she decided she had other things to worry about.  But the fact was, she gave up, and he and his team were to blame for that. 

Kate came into the room while he was reading the last letter.  The pictures were spread out on the bed in front of him, and she picked a few of them up, studying them.  “He looks like you.  Or at least, what I figured you’d look like as a kid.”

Castle nodded, placing the letter down on the bed.  “That’s what made me believe him.  That, and his eyes look like Alexis’.” 

She grinned, sitting next to him.  “Like yours.”

He felt the corners of his mouth tugging upward.  Yeah, they were his eyes.  He leaned his head against her shoulder.  “What if I can’t do this?”

He heard her chuckle, his head bouncing on her shoulder as she laughed.  “What, be a father?  You already are a father, a great one if I do say so myself.”

“But he’s a boy, and I don’t know a thing about him.  With Alexis, I learned what she liked with her.  With Zach, he already knows his likes and dislikes, strengths and aspirations.  I know nothing.”

She shrugged.  “So you learn.  Like I had to learn with Alexis, and I’ll have to do again.  You learn and you go from there.”

He loved that she wanted to have a relationship with his kids.  She had built a solid one with Alexis, never forcing the ‘mother’ aspect. They instead had a very interesting friendship.  He sat up all the way so he could look at her.  “You’re incredible.”

She grinned.  “I try.”  She put the pictures she was holding back down in their original positions.  “You know, if you want to be in his life, you need to make an effort.”

“I know that!”

“I’m not saying you wouldn’t, but more so now.  He’s losing one parent, he’ll need support.  You being there for him will be a huge first step in this new relationship.  And being friendly with whoever is taking him in after this couldn’t hurt either, so don’t be afraid of his grandparents.” 

Castle raised his eyebrows.  “So, I’m not the only one who found that old man intimidating.”

She giggled, shaking her head so that the ends of her hair danced around her shoulders.  “No comment.”

He tried to pick up the pictures in chronological order, and sat against the headboard, studying each photograph.  “Who gave you this particular piece of knowledge?”

“My Dad.”  Her voice was quiet, like she was afraid that he’d be upset that she told him.  “I asked him what he’d do if he found out he had a child he never knew about.”

“What did he say?”

She smiled.  “He said he’d find out everything he could about that child.  And introduce the child to me right away so we could form some sort of relationship.”  She laughed, her eyes wrinkling in the corners as her shoulders shook.  “And he said he’d want to meet his grandchildren, because he’s given up hope for me.”

Castle shrugged.  “I mean, I left that ball in your court.”

“He knows!”  She assured him, her head resting on his shoulder.  “He’s not taking a dig at you with that one, that was meant for me.”  She pecked his cheek and pulled down the covers, climbing underneath them.  “Babe, I’m exhausted.  When you’re done looking at pictures of your son, just turn the light off.” 

His son.  It wasn’t quite sinking in.  Each time he heard the words, he felt his heart rate increase and his anxiety levels rise just a bit.  But each time he heard it, it became a bit more real.  He leaned down to capture her lips in a quick kiss before she turned away from him.  “Love you.  Thanks for being so supportive.”

She grinned.  “Always.”  She turned away from him and he listened to her breathing slow and even out.  He studied the last group of photos as he had studied the first ones.  Now he was seven, so there were pictures of the various activities he did.  The smiling boy in a baseball uniform made his heart melt, and the picture of him as a flower in the school play made it ache.  He had always been proud of how much he was there for Alexis, and he found himself regretting how much he had missed with Zach.  Sure, he had all the time in the world to make new memories, but it would never replace the ones he had missed.  After looking through the stack of pictures twice, he packed them back in the envelope with the final envelope and placed it on top of the others on his nightstand.  He turned the lamp off next to his bed and snuggled in close to Kate, wrapping his arm around her middle.  She grabbed at his hand and laced her fingers through his.  And he slept, dreaming of playing baseball with a young boy and a young Alexis. 

* * *

 

“This is a police station.”  Zach observed as they walked through the doors. 

Castle nodded.  “It is, and my friend Lanie that I mentioned yesterday works in the morgue downstairs.”

A look of disgust flashed across the boy’s face.  “Am I going to see a dead body?”

Castle shook his head, leading Zach to the elevator.  “No.  They’re not as cool as they seem on TV.”

His shoulders relaxed as Castle pressed the button for his wife’s floor.  “Good.  I’m a bit squeamish around blood.”

Castle rested his hand on the boy’s shoulder, before pulling it away, fearing it would seem awkward.  He didn’t want to push himself onto Zachary.  He wanted to take his cues from the confused boy instead.  “I will remember that.  No, Lanie is going to take samples from us at Kate’s desk.” 

Zach nodded and looked ahead, not saying anything.  He adjusted his backpack, and for the first time, Castle took the time to look at it.  It was blue, Tardis blue.  He grinned, excited to have something to talk about other than the test.  “Who is your favorite Doctor?”

Zach’s eyebrows raised as he looked up at Castle.  “You watch Doctor Who?”

As the elevator opened, he placed his hand on Zach’s back and led him toward Kate’s desk.  “Yeah.  I like Ten the best.  He was a big goofball, kind of like me.” 

Zach laughed.  “Yeah, me too.  Ten’s pretty funny.”

He led them to Kate’s desk, and indicated for Zach to sit in his chair.  Kate was hunched over, working on paperwork.  She turned around and smiled up at him when he placed a large cup of coffee on the desk next to her.  “Thanks, babe.  I needed this today.”  She grabbed it with both hands and took a gulp, and set the cup on the right side of her pictures.  She smiled brilliantly at Zach, closing the file in front of her.  “Hey, Zach.  How was school?”

He shrugged.  “Alright.  I had a Spanish test, and had to do a presentation in History with my group.” 

“History was my favorite subject when I was younger.”  She told him, leaning back in her chair and taking another sip of her coffee.  Castle stole Ryan’s chair and sat so they made a triangle between the desks.  Kate noticed Zach’s backpack faster than Castle had, and her face broke into a huge grin as she reached for it.  “Neat backpack!  I’m officially jealous, my schoolbags when I was younger were boring.”

“You like Doctor Who too?”

She chuckled.  “Yeah, I’m a bit of a Sci-fi nerd sometimes.  Growing up I liked Four, but I think I just wanted his scarves.  My favorite of the new Doctors is Eleven.” 

Zach crinkled his nose.  “Nope.  I want Ten back.”

She nodded, pushing a stay lock of hair behind her ear.  “I thought that at first too.  But he grew on me, and now I love him.”

“I hate to break up the family discussion,” he heard Lanie say from behind him, “but I have a DNA test to administer.”

Castle stood, moving Ryan’s chair out of her way.  “Zach, this is Lanie, who I told you about yesterday.  Lanie, this is Zachary.” 

She looked Zach up and down, her eyebrows raised as she studied him.  She turned to Castle then, her arms crossed.  “Richard Castle, what am I doing this test for?  That boy is your spitting image with lighter hair.”

Zach giggled at that, and Castle saw Kate hide her grin behind her hand.  “I know!”  He answered her.  “It’s uncanny.  But my lawyers are going to want it, just as a formality.”

“Mmhmm.  Well, can I just say,” she walked over to where the boy was sitting, and held out her hand, “welcome to the family.”

He grinned and shook her hand.  “Thank you, ma’am.”

She shook her head, slipping the gloves on her hand.  “Don’t call me that.”  She labeled the package of a swab, and opened it.  “Open up.”  Zach complied, and she swabbed the inside of his cheek.  “No, you can call me Lanie.  Or Aunt Lanie if you’d like, seeing as you’re related to that big buffoon over there.” 

Zach roared with laughter and Kate had to bit her lip to keep from doing the same.  Castle feigned offence, his mouth hanging open and his hand clutching at his chest.  “Lanie!  You wound me with your unkind words.”

“Oh please, you’ve taken worse from me before.”  She chuckled, and came at him with a swab.  “Open.”  He did, and he felt the swab on the left side of his mouth.  It wasn’t as dry as he expected it to be.  She swiped about four times before returning the swab to the labeled package.  “I should get the results back in a few days.  In the meantime, take your kid out for some food.”

“Way ahead of you, Lanie.”  He looked at Zach and wiggled his eyebrows.  “What do you say, wanna grab a burger?”

At Remy’s, they ordered burgers and shakes, and sat in a corner booth.  Zach pulled out a red leather bound journal and placed it on the table.  He pushed it toward Castle.  “This is how I found out about you.  Is it true?”  He opened to a page and pushed it closer.  Castle picked it up and read, Charlotte’s cursive neat and easy to decipher.  _I get really angry sometimes.  Just today, I saw a picture of Rick Castle in the tabloids.  He was accompanying his daughter back from Paris, the plane landing in a private airfield.  She is beautiful, and he was clutching his arm like he was afraid she might disappear.  In one, his arm was wrapped around her, protecting her from unseen assailants.  And I just wish that he would do that with Zach.  It kills me that he is such a great father to his daughter but hasn’t given our son the light of day.  When I called his lawyer’s office, they brushed it off, refusing to speak to me unless I had an attorney.  My letters to him probably sit in a pile of unread fanmail.  My tweets get lost in an endless stream of fan tweets. I know my efforts are futile, but I have tried.  Part of me wonders if he has seen it, but didn’t believe it, or just doesn’t care.  Maybe he only cares about the child he had while he was in an actual relationship.  And now, Zach sits here, fatherless, and my options for his care are running low.  I just hope I can make it to his 18 th birthday.  I don’t want to leave him with no one in this world.  _

Castle pushed the journal back towards the boy, his stomach wrought with guilt.  “Of course it isn’t true.  Or, at least the part about me not caring.”  He thought back to those letters he had sitting on his nightstand.  “I had someone look, they found your mother’s letters.  I spent all night studying the pictures she sent me, and reading her stories about you.” 

“Why didn’t you see them before?”

Their food arrived at the table, and he ate a fry before continuing.  “I have crazy fans sometimes.  Sometimes, they reveal crimes they have committed for my characters to solve.  Those letters we pass off to the police.  Sometimes I get marriage proposals and story ideas.  People send me their manuscripts to read, their fanfiction.  All of that gets thrown out.  And then I have paternity claims.  Those get kept in a separate file for ten years in case the woman decides to sue.”  Zachary nodded and ate his burger, listening as Castle talked.  “I get a lot of those.  After all those weird things are weeded out, I get whatever is left to read and reply to.”

“So you really didn’t know.”

Castle shook his head.  “No.  But we are going through everything in the file now, checking the validity.  I don’t want anyone else to fall through the cracks.”  He met Zach’s blue eyes and offered him a shy smile.  “I’m sorry.  If I had known, I would have been there for you way earlier.”

Zach sat his burger down and let the words sink in.  “Well,” he started, “I guess you can be there for me now.”

Castle nodded enthusiastically.  “I want to, if that’s okay.”

Zach tugged on his ear, looking down and away from his Father.  “What I want might be too much for you.”

“What do you want?”

Zach took a deep breath in and out, shaking the hair out of his eyes with a swing of his head.  “Well, you know how my Mom is sick?”  Castle nodded, resting his head in his hands and giving Zach his full attention.  “When she dies, I’m supposed to go live with my grandparents in Ohio.  I’d have to leave my school, my friends, and my program.”

“Your program?”

He grinned, and his chest puffed with pride.  “Yeah, I’m in the dual language program.  I’m learning in Spanish and English so that I can be fluent in both languages.”

Castle was impressed.  “That’s really cool.”  He started to realize what Zach wanted.  “And they don’t have any of this in Ohio.”

He shook his head, refusing to meet Castle’s gaze.  “I mean, you live in the city, and I could live with you.  And we could make new memories all the time.  And I wouldn’t have to leave.”  He looked up slowly, trying to see what effect his words were having.  “Plus, I can’t build a relationship with you if I live in another state.”

Castle didn’t realize how much he wanted it until it was brought up.  And the prospect of not having his new found son in his life was ripping out his heart.  He did not want that to happen, and logistically, it was harder to uproot his life with Kate so well established here.  And he would feel guilty asking her to.  He approached the subject with caution.  “I mean, first I’d have to talk to Kate.  I’m pretty sure she’ll be up for it, but I still need to talk to her.”

“Of course.  She seems pretty cool.”

Castle chuckled.  “She is.”  They ate their food in relative silence before Castle even considered the other person in the equation.  “Have you told your mother that you contacted me?”

Zach shook his head, his face turning red.  “I didn’t.  She might not even remember it if I did anyway.”

“That doesn’t matter.”  Castle stated, taking a sip of his milkshake.  “She needs to know, and she needs to know what you want out of this.  And maybe you should know what you’re getting into.”  He thought for a minute.  “Okay, so what if I talk to your mother after we get the results back, and we schedule a date or two for you to spend at the loft with the family?”

Zach looked up and grinned.  “I’d like that.”

Castle nodded once for emphasis.  “Good.  I’ll talk to Kate about it, we’ll set up your room, and we’ll find some neat stuff to do.”

“It’s a date.”  Zach held up his shake, and they clinked the glasses together, each giggling as they took sips of their milkshakes.  To Castle, these were all good signs.  Zach seemed to be warming up to him, and really wanted to build this relationship.  Now he just had to make sure it happened.  He had already lost enough time, he didn’t want to lose any more.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	3. Chapter 3

Hospitals always made him nervous. They reminded him of many of his visits over the years. When Kate was shot, when he almost died from that toxin, and when he found out his memories were gone after being found adrift in a dinghy. He tried to avoid them as much as possible. But now, he had a job to do. The DNA test had confirmed what he already believed, that Zachary was his son, and now he had to talk to Charlotte. 

When he managed to work up the nerve to head in, he was surprised to find it empty. He had expected to at least see her father, the man who had intimidated him so much the last time. At the same time, he was relieved, because he didn’t want to have this conversation with an audience. Charlotte appeared to be asleep, and after much internal deliberation, he decided to take the seat next to her bed. He took some time to study her. Her head was covered with a tie-died handkerchief, covering what he was sure would be her bald head, her long blonde locks that he remembered from that one night long gone.  And she was thin, not like Kate, who still managed to look healthy despite her thin frame.  No, Charlotte was almost skeletal.  He could see the outlines of her bones.  And her eyes had dark circles under them, like she hadn’t slept in ages, even though she was sleeping now.  Or maybe she wasn’t, he realized as he watched one of her eyes slowly pop open. Maybe she was only resting. "You are the last person I expected to see in my last days." She turned her head towards him, both eyes opening. They looked sad, and dull, nowhere near as vibrant as they were the night they met, their bright blue hue gone. "Am I hallucinating?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm really here. Our son tracked me down, dropped a bomb on me during my book signing."

She chuckled, her eyes closing and color returning to her cheeks, if only for a moment. "He always did have a flair for the dramatic."

"I think that comes from my side." He told her, laughter in his voice. When they had both calmed down, he leaned forward. He wanted to grab her hand, but worried it would be too awkward, with their history and the circumstances. "I'm sorry." He whispered, meeting her eyes. "If I had known, I would've been there, I promise."

Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she managed to smile through it. "I was aware that claiming a celebrity as your ‘baby daddy’ was difficult." He had to say he admired her for her strength, her ability to joke and smile through a situation that would be difficult under normal circumstances. These circumstances were anything but normal. She pushed herself up on her forearms so she was sitting upright. "Did you find the letters?"

He nodded. "After Zach found me, I had my lawyers check. I found four of them. I picked out a few of my favorite pictures from them to have framed."

"How did he learn your name? I never told him, and I tried so hard not to make you think badly of you."

"Promise you won't yell at him." He insisted, a small grin on his face.

Her eyebrows raised. "Oh I see, so you're the good cop in the scenario?" He chuckled as he nodded because she had no idea how true that statement was. She shrugged. "I'll probably forget anyway, so yeah, I won't yell at him."

"He read your diary."

She laughed, the sound echoing in the room. "He's sneaky too. You'll learn that."

Castle flashed a soft smile as he leaned back into his chair. "I can see that. My wife will tell you that he does _not_ get that for me." Kate told him all the time that stealth was not one of his strengths, even as he disagreed.  Charlotte laughed at him, but he focused on her words. You'll learn, she had said. As in the future. She wanted him to have a relationship with Zach as much as he wanted one. 

They settled again, her eyes closing and she leaned back. "So, I'm guessing you're going to want a DNA test."

"Already taking care of." He answered, watching the corners of her mouth twitch upward. "I don't really need one, he has my daughter's eyes."

"How does your daughter feel about being a sister?"

His stomach tied up in knots at her question. "She doesn't know yet. Neither does my mother. The only people who know right now are my wife and our friend who did the DNA test." He answered her honestly.

Her head shot up and she glared at him. "Are you ashamed of him? Because I'm not asking you to be in his life. You can still leave him if you want, I wouldn't blame you."

Castle's heartbeat picked up as she chastised him. His eyes grew wider as he panicked. "No! That's not it at all!" His voice was louder than he wanted it to be, and he noticed a nurse poke her head in, assessing the situation. "No, I'm not ashamed of Zach, I'm ashamed of myself. I abandoned you. I didn't mean to, but I did. I have to live with that, and I haven't figured out how to explain it to my family yet." Hearing his admission out loud was refreshing, and for the first time, he had put into words some of his greatest fears about this whole situation. It made them seem smaller, sharing them with her, and he hoped it helped her understand his position. 

She regarded his words with a simple not of her head as she rested against your pillows. "Good. He's already losing one parent, He doesn't need to lose you too."

His stomach dropped as she spoke. "Yeah. How are you doing?" He hated how lame it sounded, how weak his sentiments came across. 

"I'm dying." She stated, the blunt answer knocking the air from his lungs like a blow to the chest. "In a few weeks I'll be gone."

"I'm sorry." Because what else could he say? "Zach wants to move in with me."  He wanted to change the subject, his mouth saying the first thing that came to his mind. 

"What do you want?" She asked him, and he wasn’t sure if he should be relieved that she was open to the suggestion.

"I want a relationship with him, which is hard if he's in a different state. I want him to be happy and thrive in whatever situation he gets stuck in." He wanted his son in the same state. He wanted to learn everything he could about the boy. "I talked to Kate, we discussed setting up the spare room upstairs for him, making it his room. We think he should spend the night a few times to find out if it's what he really wants, if that's okay with you of course." 

She shrugged, wrapping the blanket around herself more. "If it makes him happy over these next few weeks, and gives him a relationship with you, I'm all for it."

"So, two days from now, would it be alright if I took him for the night?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'll let my parents know tonight." She grinned at him, her tired eyes sparkling. "Thank you, Rick."

He grinned back. "No, thank you. You raised a remarkable young boy."

Her lips turned upward again as she closed her eyes and settled in her bed, a silent indicator that she was done and wanted to rest. Castle stood and left her there, giving her the rest that she required.

Family dinners had never been so stressful. He wanted to get it over and done with, and tell his Mother and daughter at the same time. The problem was the subject changing. They talked about Alexis’ classes, Martha’s director’s torrid affair, their latest cases, and Martha’s apartment hunt. Each time he gathered up the nerve to bring it up, they were talking about something else. Every time the subject changed, he shot his wife a look, pleading for her help with his eyes. She would shrug, and dart her eyes between him and his Mother, before returning her attention to whoever was currently speaking. She wasn’t trying to be unhelpful, just trying to let him tell his news on his terms.

It was Martha who broke the ice, unable to stay silent and watch the two of them interact.  “What is going on between you two? You’ve been flashing each other suspicious looks all night.”

Castle watched as Kate stifled a giggle, her hand coming up in a fist to cover her mouth.  Alexis leaned forward, amused by the entire situation, and leaned forward with her forearms on the table. “You know you want to tell us.”  The redhead flicked her eyes back and forth between her Father and her Step-mother, settling on Kate at last as she leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed.

Kate laughed for real this time.  “You two would make terrible detectives. You need more evidence than just some suspicious looks!”  She looked over at her husband, her eyes dancing with amusement as she nudged her head toward his family. 

He cleared his throat, the knots reappearing in his stomach as he looked his mother in the eye.  “I found out some interesting news the other day.”

“Is this you trying to tell us that Kate is pregnant?”  His daughter’s voice cut through his thoughts.  Kate cleared her throat and held up her glass of wine, taking a sip for emphasis.  Alexis’ face turned a slight pinkish color as she blushed.  “Never mind.  Ignore me.”

He sighed, fiddling with his hands. “No, but you’re thinking along the right path.”

Martha’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, and her eyes searched his face for clues. “Richard, I’m not sure I’m following.”

He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his neck.  “I have a son. His name is Zachary, and he lives in the city.”  For now. 

“How could this happen?” Alexis asked, her eyes reflecting anger in his direction. Kate reached across the table to grab her hand, but the teen pulled away. “How old is he? Is he going to move in? Do you even know for sure?”

He had expected many things, disappointment, shock, maybe even some happiness.  But the anger erupting from his daughter was one thing he hadn’t expected and didn’t understand.  “He’s thirteen, and yes, I know for sure.  The living situation is a bit weird, and we’re still working those details out.”

His mother hadn’t said anything, just let him talk.  Alexis, on the other hand, stood up, leaving the table and headed for the stairs.  “I just don’t get it.  How could you be so careless? Or why didn’t we know sooner?”

“Alexis!”  It was Kate scolding her, much to his surprise.

“Don’t talk to me like that.  How would you feel, Kate? If you found out you had another sibling out there that you never heard of, that your Father abandoned, how would you feel?”  She fled up the stairs then, out of sight.  Her words had cut into him, into every negative thought he had thought about himself over the last few days.  And he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt.

The tension in the room was unbearable. No one spoke, each one of them afraid to go after her.  Kate chewed on her lip as she watched everyone.  Martha processed the information and the preceding scene silently while Castle figured out what he wanted to do next.  Explain things to his mother, or get his ass chewed out by his daughter. 

“I think that had more to do with something else.”  Kate spoke, her soft voice echoing in the otherwise silent room. 

Martha pushed on his arm, urging him toward the stairs.  “Go to her. You need to talk to her, whether you like what she has to say or not.”

Kate nodded. “Your Mom’s right, babe.  Go talk to your little girl, and I’ll handle things down here.” They were right, he knew they were.  He was dreading the scene upstairs though.

He knocked on Alexis’ door, listening to her pace the floor.  He was relieved when she opened it.  Even more so when she didn’t slam it in his face, instead leaving it open as she walked to her bed and sat on the edge.  He joined her there, still fiddling with his hands in his lap.  “Can you tell me why you’re so mad at me, so we can talk about this?”

She sighed, not looking at him as she stared at her feet on the floor. “You didn’t know? You had no indication? This kid just showed up out of the blue?”

“That’s a grey area.”

She looked at him then, rolling her eyes spectacularly.  “How is that possible?”

His eyes closed as he rested his head in his hands.  “His mother sent letters.  But they weed those out, thinking it’s just people looking for money.  Do you know how many women claim me as the Father of their children?  Whether I have met them or not, they try.  So, no, I never saw the letters she sent, but my lawyers did and other people in charge of my fan mail.  But she sent multiple, with pictures, and they slipped through the cracks.”  He looked up, meeting her eyes again.  “If I had known, I would have been involved.  I would have met him, let him meet you.  I wouldn’t have left them high and dry.”  She looked away, her eyes fixating on the floor as she watched herself wiggle her toes.  “What I don’t understand is why that upsets you.”

“I know what it feels like to be abandoned.”  Her words struck him hard. He worked so hard over the years so that she would never feel that way. He always made himself available to her, made sure she knew that she was the light of his life.  “And you saw me struggle with that,” she continued, her eyes closed as she held back the tears, “took me out to other places when Mom changed her plans, tried your hardest to convince me that Central Park was way cooler than LA, or Chicago, or wherever she was taking me could ever be.  And I guess that for a moment I was afraid that this boy, my brother, was suffering while I was getting your full attention.” She looked at him again, a tear making it’s way down her cheek.  “No kid deserves that feeling, Dad.”

“I know, Pumpkin.”  He wiped the tear away with his thumb.  “I would never do that on purpose.”  He stroked her hair lightly, trying to comfort her.  “I want you to meet him.  He’s pretty cool.”

She sniffled, but he saw the corners of her mouth start to pull upwards at that thought.  “I’d like that.”  She leaned her head against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her.  “Why is the living situation complicated?”

“His Mom is sick, sweetheart.  Really sick.  He wants to stay here in the city with his school, and right now it’s set up so that he will move in with his grandparents in Ohio.”

“You don’t want that.”  She stated.  She didn’t need to ask. 

He shook his head, even though she couldn’t see it from her position on his chest.  “No.  I just got him, I don’t want to lose him.” 

She pulled away then, looking at him.  “I mean, I always figured I’d have nine months to adjust to a new sibling.  This is kind of sudden.” 

The smile that appeared on her face teased one out of him as well.  “I was sort of thinking the same thing.  Looks like our family will continue to be an unorthodox one.”

She chuckled.  “Is there such a thing anymore as a normal family?”  She wiped her eyes and stood, heading for the door. “Let’s go.  I owe Kate an apology, and I feel like ice cream.”  Ice cream made everything better, at least in his mind.  He followed her, closing the door behind him, and they continued along the hallway.  She wheeled around to face him again, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding on tight.  “For the record, I like our unorthodox family.”  She released him, and walked down the stairs, leaving him smiling like an idiot at the top.  Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	4. Chapter 4

Castle had agreed to pick up Zach from the hospital on Saturday evening.  This was beneficial, because it gave him all the time he needed to finish setting up his room.  He had tried to make the room as cool as possible, lots of cool blues and greys, geometric shapes, and a tv to watch Doctor Who and play videogames.  He thought about putting in a tall bookcase too, but wasn’t sure whether or not Zach shared the Castle Family’s love of books.  Alexis had her own impressive library in her room, and when Kate had moved in, they had to consolidate their collections so that it would all fit downstairs.  They had failed, and many of their books also lined the hallway upstairs.  He was sure the loft would explode if they added many more.  Instead, he framed a few Doctor Who posters and spread a Tardis throw blanket over the bed.  And then he worried.  This was all he knew, that his son liked Doctor Who.  What if he didn’t like it this much though, what if he thought that all of this was too geeky or weird, or he liked the Yankees more than dorky Doctor Who?  Or the Mets?  He could feel his anxiety raising as he recognized everything he didn’t know, and he had to take a calming breath.  He would learn a ton over the next couple of days.  It wasn’t worth freaking out about now.  He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to his wife.  _All done I guess.  On my way to pick Z up now, see you when you get home._  

At the hospital, he nodded at the nurses stationed at the desk as he passed, the way to Charlotte’s room easy to navigate now.  He knocked on the doorjamb before stepping in, smiling at the eager look on Zach’s face.  He waved.  “Hey, Zach.  Are you about ready?”

He heard a throat clear to his right, and he turned to find the intimidating man from the first time he and Kate found themselves in this room.  “So, you’re my grandson’s sperm donor?”

The words cut as he spoke, once again resonating with everything he feared about himself.  He could hear Charlotte groan from her bed as she pushed herself up.  “Dad, we talked about this.  Give Rick a break.”

The man shook his head.  “The way he gave you a break? No.”  He crossed his arms across his chest.  “We don’t even know him and he’s taking Zachary overnight?  We don’t know about him, or his qualifications, or if he knows what to do in an emergency, and you’re just trusting him with your son?”

“Dad, Rick has a daughter, I’m sure he knows what to do in a crisis.”  Charlotte answered for him.  Zach was listening to the scene in front of him, refusing to meet anyone’s eye.  It must be awkward, having people argue about him while he was sitting right there. 

“You’re right, I haven’t been there.”  Castle answered, stepping closer to the angry father with trepidation.  “But I’m here now, and that’s all that should matter.  If Charlotte and Zach can forgive me, can’t you?”  He fished around in his pocket, pulling out the business cards.  He handed two of them to the older man.  “Here.  Mine and my wife’s cards with both of our numbers.  If you want to call and check up on us at any time, don’t hesitate.”  He walked over and handed the other set to Charlotte, who tucked them into a notebook at her bedside. 

“A PI and an NYPD detective.  You two must be fun at parties.”  Her father quipped, tucking them into his pocket. 

“Oh, I’m not a practicing PI anymore.  I mean, I still have the license but I don’t use it.  I just really need to get rid of all those cards.” 

Castle heard the laughter from Zach behind him, and he hoped that he had at least earned a smile from Charlotte. Her father didn’t find it amusing.  Instead, he rolled his eyes, leaning forward in his chair, puffing out his chest.  “So what exactly do you do?”

The exasperated sigh from behind him was joined by two hands pressing on his back.  “Okay, let’s get out of here!  I was kind of looking forward to meeting the rest of my family at some point today!”  Castle was shoved forward by the boy, who flung on his backpack and ran over to peck his grandfather’s cheek.  “You have his number, Grandpa.  You can call and interrogate him later if you really want to.” 

Castle stood by the door as he watched Zach go back to his mother’s side.  “See you tomorrow.”  He whispered to her.  He then wrapped his arms around her neck, his head buried in her shoulder.  The hug managed to convey how much he loved her, how much he didn’t want to lose her, all while looking so gentle so he wouldn’t hurt her.  And Castle could feel his heart break as he looked on. 

Charlotte kissed Zach’s head, rubbing his back in smooth circles.  “Love you.  Now go have some fun.”  She jerked her head in Castle’s direction, patting him a few more times as he pulled away. 

Zach joined Castle at the door, his thumbs hooked in the straps on his backpack.  “Ready?”  He asked, studying his father with his bright blue eyes. 

Castle grabbed his shoulder, leading him out of the room and through the cancer ward.  “Let’s go.”

Zach was quiet for the walk to the subway.  Any conversation Castle started was ended with a single word from the boy’s mouth.  He wasn’t sure if it was regret, or if Zach felt awkward, or if he just was upset about his mother.  But he didn’t want to push him either, fearing that Zach would close off entirely.  He had four years of experience when it came to walking that fine line between pushing boundaries and overstepping though, and he planned to put those skills to work if he could.  He just had to discover the line first. 

“What should I call you?”  Zach asked, the question valid and posing the first of many hurdles for them to get over. 

Castle sighed.  “I mean, my name is Rick, so you could call me that.  My Mother calls me Richard but she is the only one allowed to use my full name.”  He found it somewhat endearing, her love of using his full name.  He could hear her scolding him in his memories, the one time he’d asked her to call him Rick.  _I didn’t name you Richard to shorten it, I named you Richard because I liked the way it sounded, so I will call you by your given name._   “Kate calls me Castle, it’s a cop thing.  And Alexis calls me Dad, but I get it if you don’t want to do that yet.”  He watched as the teen mulled them over in his head, his face scrunching up as he tried each out in his head. 

“I think I’ll stick with Rick.  For now.”  He decided, a nod of his head affirming his choice. 

“I think that’s great.”  Castle clapped his hand on the boy’s shoulder, tugging him in for an awkward side hug like he used to do with Alexis, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Zach relaxed into the embrace. 

Castle could tell that his wife was home from the smell of tomato sauce and sausage that wafted through the loft.  That and her leather boots that were lying next to the door, the ones he had got her for Christmas.  “Welcome to Casa Castle.  Make yourself at home.”  He hoped Zach would make it his home for good. 

The teen’s mouth dropped open in awe as he looked around.  “Wow!  You can fit like, four of my apartments in here!”

Castle heard his wife’s laughter from the kitchen.  “That’s pretty much what I thought too.”  She made her way over to the door, waving at Zach.  “Hey!  How have you been?”

He shrugged.  “You know, school, group projects, things like that.” 

She beckoned him forward.  “Well come on in, look around, relax for a second.  Martha and Alexis should be here in a few minutes, and dinner is still cooking.”  Zach followed her instructions, dropping his backpack on the couch and looking around.  He walked over to the piano, running his fingers along the top of it.  “Do you play?”

His nod was slow as she moved to study the bookshelves.  “Yeah, my Mom thought it would help with my math.”

Castle chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Kate’s waist as they watched him explore their home.  “Do me a favor and wait to tell my Mom.  She’ll stay here all night examining your skills and teaching you showtunes, and I really would like for you to stick around.” 

Zach laughed at that, his fingers trailing on Kate’s bookshelf filled with Russian literature.  “I’ll save that for the next family dinner.”

Castle pressed a quick kiss to Kate’s temple, delighting as she melted into his embrace.  “Have you checked out the room yet?”  He whispered into her ear, her wavy locks tickling his nose. 

She shook her head.  “Not yet.”

He nudged her towards the stairs.  “Why don’t you take him up there, show him around?  I can finish dinner.”  He rocked back and forth on his heels as she stood there, contemplating it.  “Come on, Kate, I worked really hard on it!”

She chuckled, losing the battle to his boyish charm.  “Fine, but don’t add anything to my sauce, it’s perfect.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

She regarded him with a look of distrust, but headed for the stairs anyway.  “Zach, grab your stuff and I’ll show you your room.” He grinned in response, collecting his bag and following her up the stairs. 

Castle went into the kitchen, where he stirred Kate’s sauce and began cooking the rice.  He heard the front door open as he began to set the table, his mother and daughter arguing over who really should have gone home on Dancing with the Stars.  It stopped when Alexis wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss into his cheek.  “Hey, Dad.  How was your day?”

“Wonderful, thanks for asking.  How did that test go that Kate was helping you with?”

She grinned as she pulled away from him, sitting in one of the chairs.  “I think I aced it!  I’m sure I’ll be coming to her more often for help.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind.”  He responded, his heart swelling.  So far he was happy with how his family was coming together.  Now he just hoped it would continue with the newest person added to their mix. 

Martha sat in the chair opposite Alexis.  “So.  When do I get to meet my grandson?”

Castle chuckled.  “As soon as he comes downstairs.  He’s checking out his room.”  They both glanced at the stairs, as if they thought he would appear right there.  Castle took the cooked rice and scooped it into a bowl.  “I just finished today so Kate hadn’t seen it either.  She took him up to see it.”

“I’m nervous.  Is that normal?”  Alexis asked, playing with her hands on the table. 

Castle shrugged.  “I think.  There’s not a manual for this.  I don’t know how you should feel.  But he’s pretty cool, and I assure you, it will all be okay.”  She didn’t look like she believed him, but she nodded anyway, her faith in him still unwavering. 

It was then that they heard the footsteps and laughter coming down the stairs.  “Eleven is not funnier than Ten!  What would make you think that?  I mean…”  He trailed off as he noticed the two other people sitting at the table.  His hands dropped, and the smile disappeared from his face.  Kate led him forward, her hand on his back supportive rather than demanding.  Castle could have sworn he heard her whisper “It’s okay,” as they approached. 

Castle moved toward the boy, his hand resting on his shoulder.  “Zach, this is my mother, Martha, and my daughter, Alexis.” 

He stepped closer, waving shyly.  “It’s nice to meet you both.”

Kate stepped over to make sure that Castle hadn’t ruined her dinner while Martha stood, stepping toward the teen to look at him more closely.  “Oh, Richard, it’s almost like going back in time.”  She smiled at Zach, keeping her hands to herself, as if she was afraid she’d frighten him.  “Please tell me you aren’t as much of a troublemaker as he was?”  She asked him, making Zach crack a smile.

“Now Grams, I think that’s practically impossible.”  Alexis spoke from the table.  “He looks too well behaved.”

“It’s all part of the act, I get in my fair share of trouble.”  He answered, moving away from Castle and toward his sister.  “Did you get into any trouble?”

She shook her head.  “No, something about the principal’s office freaked me out.” 

He wrinkled his nose.  “Yeah, I don’t like it much either.  I honestly try to stay out of it, I just get carried away sometimes.”

Castle watched his children talk, nudging Kate to get her to look too.  “I think it’s going alright.”

She grinned at him.  “So far so good.”

Dinner was more fun than he ever imagined it would be.  They told stories and old jokes, trying their hardest to get to know each other.  Zach’s stories about basketball, Spanish classes, and his childhood friends had been everyone’s favorites.  He came across as a well-rounded and, for the most part, a well behaved kid. 

“So, you are pretty much fluent in Spanish?”  Alexis asked him, eating a mouthful of food. 

He nodded, a proud smile on his face.  “Yep!  Mom and I took a trip to Argentina last summer and I handled most of the travel arrangements.  I ordered our food, got directions, and helped her convers with the locals.  We had a really great time.”

Her eyes grew wide as Zach talked.  “That’s so cool!  I mean, I know some French, but I’m nowhere near that level!”

“Could you say something in Spanish for us?”  Martha asked him, leaning forward. 

A devilish look flashed in the boy’s eyes.  “Algo en español.”

While Castle chuckled, Kate and Alexis groaned, and Martha rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair.  “I don’t need to speak Spanish to know what you just said.  You are just like your father, he was always a wise ass.”  Zach laughed as Castle high-fived him, both sharing a knowing look. 

“What did I get myself into?”  Kate teased, her eyes flicking between the two Castle males.  “It runs in the family.  I’m doomed to raise nothing but smart-mouthed kids.” 

Castle’s eyes raised as he regarded her fake disappointment.  “Please.  Because you haven’t once been sarcastic in in your life.”

She tried, and failed, to hold back her smile.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  She quipped, taking a sip of her wine. 

And dinner continued, each of them teasing the other, making comparisons, and listening to Zach speak in Spanish (for real).  Castle had never felt like something was missing before.  But somehow, with Zach there, it just felt right.  And he never wanted to go back.  


	5. Chapter 5

Castle was bouncing on the balls of his feet as Alexis passed the two brown paper bags to Kate and Zach. Kate eyed them with skepticism as she shook it next to her ear, like she was opening a birthday gift.  "Just open them!"  He enthused, gesturing his arms with exasperation.  When Zach opened his and pulled out the heavy plastic vest, Castle couldn't contain his excitement any longer.  "Laser tag!  We can play teams now!"

Alexis grabbed the other two vests from behind the bookcase where they were hidden, handing one to her father as Kate pulled out her own.  "Don't worry, we'll go easy on you noobs."  The redhead teased, donning her own vest and pretending to aim her gun at Kate.  

Kate scoffed, her eyebrows raising as her hazel eyes flickered back and forth between the two co-conspirators.  "Oh, I see.  So the two seasoned veterans versus the two newbies?  That hardly seems fair."

Castle chuckled as he watched Zach slip his on over his head.  "You have to start somewhere, Beckett.  I promise, we won't cream you _too_ badly."

She watched him with amusement, her mouth gathered to one side of her fade as she bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes dancing with laughter.  It's one of his favorite Beckett faces, one he hopes their future kids will inherit.  "You're on."  She challenged, slipping on her own vest.  Castle met his daughter's hand in a high five as they watched the two newest members of the family join in on their fun.  Just like they hoped.  

Kate looked down at Zach, her eyebrows raised as she held the gun ready in her hands.  "Are you ready to take these losers down?"  She asked, earning a smile and nod from him.  

"Ready!"  He grinned in Castle's direction.  "Prepare to get creamed by the newbies!"

Alexis let out a short burst of laughter at that, letting him know she thought that was ridiculous.  "In your dreams, kid!"

Once the trash talking was finished, Castle made sure the vests were on the right setting, and Alexis went to turn off the light.  And with that the game began.  

Alexis got a good shot on Kate right away, disengaging Kate's gun for five seconds while Alexis ran off to a new hiding place.  Meanwhile, Zach got a good shot on Castle as he peeked out from his hiding place behind the couch, laughing when he heard the downward melody of Castle's vest.  They shot at each other from all over the living room.  Alexis took shelter behind the piano, while Castle and Zach found themselves on opposite ends of the couch.  

The game changed when Kate made her way over to Zach's hiding place.  Castle could hear them talking in hushed voices, but couldn't make out what was being said.  He crept along the back of the couch, trying his best to stay silent so he could hear what they had planned.  Before he could get to them though, they came from around the corner, Zach with his gun out, taking aim, and Kate behind him, covering him like she would the boys.  Castle found it hysterical, and yet slightly terrifying, because now they were the perfect team.  Zach was a good shooter, despite how difficult it was to aim in the dark, and Kate had his back and tactical training.  They had shot him before he even had the chance to react. 

Alexis tried to get Kate, but the detective was good, seeing Alexis and taking her shot before Alexis knew what hit her.  They hid behind the couch together, Castle whispering so that the other team couldn’t hear his strategy.  “If I go out and go after Zach, Kate will be covering him and you should be able to get her from behind.”  He told her, lifting his head to get a visual on their position. 

She chuckled, adjusting the goggles on her face.  “Should, Dad.  That’s the key word there.  Should.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s not great.”  He agreed. 

“You know we won’t really be able to do it again.  Once they figure out our plan she’ll be looking behind her too.”  She explained, leaning closer to him so she could whisper in his ear. 

“So we change our strategy when that happens.”  He explained, as if it were the easiest solution in the world.  “Just remind me, whose idea was it to invite the person with tactical training to play with us?”

He could feel her eyes rolling through her goggles, and she pushed him with her free hand toward the other end of the couch.  “Don’t even start.  Go distract them.” 

It went just as he predicted, both of them shooting him before he could get a shot in, but Alexis was able to take them both by surprise from behind.  “Yes!”  She shouted, holding her gun up in victory as she dove for a new hiding place.  They were able to pull it off a few more times before Zach started to watch Kate’s back too.  He would see one of them jump in front of him and immediately whirl to get whoever was coming for Kate.  It turned out to be an effective protection measure, and they remained the unstoppable team.  After another twenty minutes of rolling around in the dark and covering one another, all four vests lit up and music played that sounded reminiscent of Mario Kart games.  “Team one, 156 points.  Team two, 211 points.  Team two wins!” 

Castle laughed as he hear Zach’s excited cry.  “Yes!”  He and Kate dropped their guns and used both hands to high five one another.  He turned, arms crossed, and strutted towards his father and sister.  “Who are the noobs now?”

“Beginner’s luck, little man.”  Alexis conceded, her hand low, wiggling for contact, which he granted.  “Good game.”  Kate turned the light on and they all removed the goggles from their eyes. 

Zach handed his vest over to Castle, letting him put them with the others, and sat down on the couch, pushing his hair out of his face.  “So, is this what you guys do here all the time?”  He had come for a few more weekends, blending into their life so easily.  Castle had decided last time that it was time to get him involved with laser tag. 

Alexis shrugged, sitting next to him.  “Sometimes.  I’ve been playing since I was six.  But we don’t play every day.”  She shrugged, glancing around.  “When Gram is here she plays piano and sings show tunes.  Sometimes it’s fun, but sometimes she doesn’t let up and it feels like torture.”  The boy laughed at that, Alexis smiling as she talked.  “I honestly can’t imagine growing up without it though, and I think you’ll learn to love it.”  She looked toward her father’s office.  “Sometimes, Dad will ask you to edit a chapter in one of his books.  Nothing hard, you just have to tell him if you think it makes sense, if the characters seem a little off, things like that.”

“I haven’t read any of his books.”  Zachary admitted, his voice a whisper like he was afraid of offending his father.  “Are they good?”

Alexis shrugged.  “It depends on what you like.  If you like mysteries, you’ll like his books.  If not, then you probably won’t.  But they are pretty decent.”

Castle decided to step in then, sitting in the chair opposite his children.  “Only pretty decent, Alexis?”

She giggled, crossing her arms and leaning back.  “I don’t want you to go getting a big head.”

“He already has one.”  Kate called from the kitchen where she was pouring two glasses of wine.  “Two, if I remember correctly.  I think we still have one hiding in storage somewhere.” 

Zach listened to the exchange with furrowed eyebrows, looking around at all the people in the room to see who was lying.  When nobody gave up, he leaned back and grinned.  “This is normal for you guys?”

Castle laughed and shrugged his shoulders.  “I guess so, yeah.”

Zach’s hands rested behind his head as he looked around the loft.  “I’m going to like it here.” 

After Zach made his way up to his room and Alexis back to her dorm, Castle put all the vests and guns into their little plastic box in the closet.  Kate leaned on the door next to him, watching him struggle to fit the two newest vests in with the others.  “I think we need another container.”  He said out loud to no one in particular.  Kate moved him out of the way, working her spatial magic (as he called it) and fitting the fourth vest in.  “How did you do that?”  He asked her, his eyes open comically wide as she fit the top on and moved away from the closet. 

She hooked her arm around his waist, walking with him into the bedroom.  “You know, I just put them in there neatly instead of throwing them in there in a tangled mess.”  She reached into her drawers and pulled out a pair of pajamas, warm heavy ones with a collar and a button up shirt.  “I know it doesn’t seem important, but it helps.  Use the space wisely, babe.”  She teased, catching her tongue between her teeth. 

“Okay, okay.  I’ve had enough of your gloating for one day.”  He pulled back the covers and slid into bed, glad to find it already warm from the heated blanket.  Kate joined him in the bed and pulled out on of her books, opening it to the dog-eared page.  “First two newbies beat me at my own game, next thing I know one of them schools me at putting things away.  I just can’t win today.”

“Oh it was just luck, calm yourself.”  She replied without looking up from her book. 

“I’m just saying, without Zach there to watch your back, I would have beaten you.” 

That caused her to look up, the laughter dancing in her hazel eyes again as she raised her eyebrows in disbelief.  “You think you could beat me?  I go to the shooting range all the time, babe.  I have good aim, you’ve seen it.  What makes you think you could beat me?”

She shrugged, the laughter pulling up the corners of his mouth as his chest shook.  “Years of experience.”  He explained. 

Kate put the book down, crossing her arms and regarding him with scrutiny.  “Care to place a wager?”

He chuckled.  “Anything you want, Mrs. Castle.  Name your bet.”

A smirk danced across her features as she thought of something beneficial.  “How about, loser makes the winner breakfast for a month.”

“Deal.”

She laughed.  “I’m not talking about pouring a bowl of cereal and that’s it, I mean full on, eggs benedict and toast with fresh brewed coffee breakfast.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  “I wouldn’t do anything less.” 

About two weeks later, he was cooking her breakfast again as she watched him from the island.  He had just poured the batter into the waffle iron when the phone rang.  He reached for it, getting to it a split second before Kate, and picked it up, sticking his tongue out at her.  “Rick Castle.”

“Rick?”  His son’s voice sounded far away on the other end.  “It’s Zach.”

“Hey, buddy!”  Castle answered, watching Kate’s face light up as she realized who it was.  She waved at Castle and pointed to herself.  “Kate says ‘hi’.  What’s up?”

It was silent on his end for a little bit, worrying him and making his heart start to race.  “Um, nothing, I guess.  Just forget I called, okay?”  It was then that Castle detected the pain in his son’s voice, his hesitance to talk only worrying him more.  “I don’t know why I did.”

“No, wait!”  Castle’s voice was urgent, causing Kate to watch him with concern.  “You can tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do whatever I can.  I promise.”

“There’s nothing you can do, just forget it.”  Zach’s voice was breaking now, and Castle knew that whatever it was, it was hurting him. 

“Try me.”  It was a challenge, he knew it, but he wanted to make sure his son knew he was up for anything. 

“It’s Mom.  She’s gone, Rick.  I don’t know what to do.”

At his son’s words his heart fell.  They knew it was coming, but there’s really only so much you can do to prepare.  And they never talked about Charlotte’s illness before because they were trying to get comfortable with one another.  But he knew what he had to do, what his son needed, and unplugged the waffle iron from the wall, streaking toward the bedroom, Kate on his heels.  “We’ll be right there.” 

They went to her room first.  They didn’t go in, just leaned their heads in to see if Zach was there.  Charlotte still hadn’t been moved.  She looked peaceful, her eyes closed like she was sleeping.  She probably had been sleeping.  And Castle swore he saw a hint of a smile on her face.  Her parents were sitting in the chairs on one end of the room, her mother sobbing into her father’s shoulder, the kind of heart wrenching sobs that only came with losing a child.  It was unnatural.  Children should outlive their parents.  They left without saying anything, neither wanting to interrupt or further upset the grieving pair.  Castle watched Kate wipe a tear from her cheek as they turned toward the waiting room. 

That’s where they found Zach, curled up on a couch in the corner, his head on his knees while his shoulders shook.  Kate, understanding the pain, was the first to reach him, sinking down next to him on the couch and pulling him into her.  He didn’t seem to care who was holding him, and wrapped his arms around her middle, sobbing louder into her chest.  Kate let her tears fall freely as she held him there, stroking his hair and whispering to him, reassuring him that it would all be okay. 

Castle sank down on the floor next to them, rubbing his son’s back, feeling powerless.  Once upon a time, when kids got hurt, all you had to do was kiss their booboos away and they would be fine.  Except Castle had missed that phase of Zach’s life, and this was not a booboo that he could kiss away.  All he could do was make sure he was there, and listen carefully, and do whatever he could to make Zach comfortable.  And he prayed that it would be enough. 

Zach looked up, still crying, his blue eyes red with grief, and spoke to them both.  “Thanks for coming.  I don’t know what to do.”

Kate stroked his hair and pat his back, anything she could do to comfort him.  “You aren’t supposed to know what to do.  There’s nothing you are supposed to do.  It’s different for everyone.”  She explained, her voice low and soothing.  She had told Castle what it was like for her, how she didn’t cry until after the funeral, how she became an empty shell instead, unable to show her emotions.  “What’s important is that you have people who will be there for you.”

Castle continued running his hand up and down Zach’s back as they lulled, Zach’s baby blues making eye contact with him until they closed again, a fresh wave of tears taking over.  Castle soothed him then, speaking in whispers while Kate held her head back, swallowing, and trying not to cry again.  “Zach, it’s all going to be okay.  I promise.  We are here for you.  Right here, okay?  We aren’t going anywhere.”  When the boy met Castle’s eyes again, Castle offered him a small smile, despite the tears streaming down his face.  “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Zach launched himself at his father then, leaving Kate and wrapping his arms around Castle’s neck.  His sticky tears wet Castle’s black t-shirt as he buried his head into his father’s neck.  Kate rubbed his back now, wiping her face sloppily with her hand as Castle crooned.  “I’ve got you, buddy.  I’m right here.  Always.”


	6. Chapter 6

Zach stayed with them at the loft while his Grandparents planned Charlotte’s funeral.  But it wasn’t the same as the times before.  It wasn’t fun.  Everyone hid their laughter and jokes, worried of offending the boy or setting him off.  Other than that first day, he kept his emotions hidden behind a stoic mask.  He had borrowed Alexis’ Harry Potter first editions, and would read them on the couch, claiming that he just wanted to escape for a bit.  It was a reaction that Castle could relate to.  Anytime something terrible happened to him, he loved being transported into a very good book, one that made him forget about all his troubles.  But sometimes he noticed that Zach wasn’t reading.  Sometimes he would stare off into space, a tear or two running down his cheeks.  When Castle noticed that, he would squeeze the boy’s shoulder, letting him know that he was there. 

When Kate came home from work, she gave Castle the obligatory peck on his cheek before walking over to the couch, sitting right next to Zach.  She reached for his hand, squeezing it tight.  He turned his head to look at her.  “How are you doing today?”  He only shrugged in response, his eyes studying her face.  Castle saw the quick breath she took in, the way her eyes looked about the room as if searching for the words she wanted to say.  “Did I ever tell you that I lost my Mom when I was nineteen?”

He shook his head, cocking it to one side as he studied her.  “No.  Was she sick like mine?”

“No.  Her death was unexpected.”  She swallowed, holding back the rest of the story.  “But my Dad didn’t handle it well.  And sure, I was an adult, but I was still young.  I needed their guidance, but I felt all alone.”  She spoke quickly, her voice cracking and revealing the emotion that her face wasn’t.  He wanted to hug her, to wrap her in his arms and remind her that it was all over now.  But he didn’t want to interrupt the moment she was having with Zach.  He didn’t want to get in the way of their blossoming connection over something he prayed he wouldn’t have to experience anytime soon. 

She ran her fingers through the boy’s hair, and used her thumb to wipe away a stray tear.  “I just want you to know that I get it.  I know how awful that hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach is.  And I want you to know that no matter what, I am always here to talk to you if you’d like.”

Zach sniffled, wiping his nose with the hand that Kate wasn’t holding.  “Thanks.”  He shot a small smile in her direction before leaning in, embracing her.  She hugged him back, her hand running up and down his spine as they gently rocked back and forth.  When they pulled apart, he turned so he was facing her, sitting cross legged on the couch.  “Can I ask you something?”

She grinned, leaning back and crossing her legs.  “Of course you can.” 

“What was your Mom like?”  He asked, his face sheepish and his voice quiet. 

Kate smiled the smile that was reserved for her happy memories, one that Castle saw whenever she talked about her childhood.  “My Mom was wonderful.  She was sarcastic, kind, hardworking, funny, and loving.  She taught me that it was okay for girls to be smart, and to reach for my dreams.”  She kicked off her heels as she talked, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.  “She was so stubborn too.  My dad told her once that it was impossible for her to cook a five course meal in twenty-four hours.  This was just before Thanksgiving, by the way.  But she did it.  She proved him wrong, and pulled the turkey from the oven just as our guests arrived.”

Zach’s eyes were wide as he watched Kate reminisce, laughing to herself.  “That’s crazy!  She didn’t undercook anything?  It was all good?”

Kate laughed, her eyes dancing as she pushed a stray curl behind her ear.  “The food was perfect, but she didn’t get to enjoy any of it.”

“What happened?”

“She was so exhausted, she told us that she was going to sit on the couch for a few minutes, to get off of her feet.  Next thing we knew, she was snoring.  She slept through the entire dinner!”  Zach was laughing now, the sound lifting Castle’s spirits as he watched them from the kitchen.  “And my crazy Aunt Theresa took all the leftovers for herself.”

“No way!”

Kate nodded enthusiastically.  “Yep!  She slaved for twenty four hours straight on Thanksgiving dinner and didn’t get to eat a bite of it.”

Zach shook his head, his mouth hung open in disbelief.  “I can’t imagine.”  He stared off into space, another small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.  “My Mom was a terrible cook.  She almost set the apartment on fire because she left a pizza box in the oven.”

Kate laughed, her head thrown back against the couch.  “No way!  How did she manage that?”

Castle left at that point, heading into the bedroom and giving them their privacy.  He could hear their laughter echoing through the loft as they swapped stories, each talking to the other in increasingly excited voices.  It wasn’t until a little after nine that Kate joined him, changing into a warm pair of Castle’s flannel pants and a grey NYPD t-shirt and climbing into bed next to him.  He kissed her cheek as she settled in, speaking in a hushed voice.  “Thanks for helping him find some happiness, even if it was just for a little bit.” 

She shrugged.  “Sometimes that’s all it takes.”  She turned her head, meeting his eyes.  “I just wanted to see him smile again, babe.  I thought that if he knew that I got it he might open up a bit, and realize that it does get easier.”

He smiled at her, grabbing her hand and running his thumb along her knuckles.  “I think it worked.  Thanks.”

She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, smiling as she pulled away, and grabbed her tablet from its resting spot on her nightstand.  She started reading the newspaper, catching up with all the current events she had missed while on the job while Castle pretended to write.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something important.  He thought about the events of the past month, replaying them all in his mind when it hit him.  He pulled the tablet from his wife’s hands, setting it down beside him and ignoring her protests.  “Kate, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re going to be if you don’t give me that back!  It was such an interesting piece!”

He rolled his eyes at her, grabbing her outstretched hands and placing them gently in her lap.  “Not for that, you can finish it later.”  At his serious tone, she looked towards him and locked eyes with him, giving her undivided attention.  “What I’m talking about is how you’ve been so supportive with all these changes, and you always ask me how I’m doing and talk through my feelings with me.”

Her eyebrows raised as she studied him, unsure of where this was going.  “Castle, we’re married.  We support each other.”

“Yeah, and I haven’t been doing the best job.”  Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “When is the last time I asked you how you were doing with it all?”

Recognition flashed in her face before she smiled warmly at him, pushing her curls out of her face.  “Babe, you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Of course I do!”  It was nice, knowing that she was there to support him, but he was realizing that this didn’t just affect him.  “Kate, we’ve seen a lot of changes in the past month or so and so far only I have talked about how I’m doing.”  He felt selfish.  He realized earlier that this would have an effect on her life as well, but was so consumed with his own doubts that he never got around to making sure she was okay. “So, how are you doing?”

She shrugged, squeezing his hand a little tighter to reassure him.  “Honestly, better than I was at first.”  She looked away from him then, almost like she was ashamed of her feelings, afraid to look him in the eye.  “I was angry at first, jealous and a bit afraid.”  Her refusal to meet his eye made his heart fall.  Her feelings were justified, and he wished she had shared them earlier.  They had been feeling a lot of the same things.  Maybe he could have helped her like she helped him.  “And now, every once in a while I feel guilty for feeling that way before.”  She looked back to him now, studying his face to see how her words had affected him.  He made sure that his body language and facial expression radiated support.  “Castle, he’s a great kid, and has made life so much more enjoyable.  I don’t want to imagine our lives without him in it.”

He grinned at her words, watching her own smile stretch across her face as she talked about Zach.  “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”  He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead while reaching for her tablet to return it to her.  “I’m glad you’re okay now.  Thanks for being honest with me.” 

She returned a kiss to his lips when her tablet was back in her hands.  “Thank you for asking.”

“Just one more question?”  She rolled her eyes as he continued talking, the gears in his head working in overdrive.  “How long were you jealous for?”

“A few weeks.  But I wasn’t jealous for the reason you think I was.”  She swiped to open back up to the article, but left it in her lap, instead chuckling at the confused expression on her husband’s face.  “I wasn’t jealous because you slept with her, I was jealous that you had a kid with her.”  He swore his heart stopped beating as she said those words.  “I just realized that I had dragged my feet too long to make a decision and that now it might be too late.” 

He moved closer to her, his head shaking back and forth as he crowded close to her.  “No!  No, it’s never too late!  If it’s something you want then I still want to try!”

She laughed, caressing his cheek with her thumb, causing him to calm down.  “Babe, don’t you think it’s a little crowded here to start adding more to the bunch?”

He shrugged, his heart beating faster the more they talked about this.  “So what?  I’m not married to this loft, Kate.  I’m married to you.  If you are worried about it being crowded we can always move somewhere else.”  He grabbed her hands again, bringing them up toward him. 

“If I wanted to, you’d move?”  She asked him, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. 

He nodded enthusiastically.  “If that’s what’s stopping you, then yes, I’d move.”

She bit her bottom lip, contemplating her options.  “I mean, I know I’m stubborn…”

“You?  Stubborn?  No way!”  He teased, earning himself a slap on the chest with the heel of her hand. 

“Do that again and you won’t get lucky ever again.  I don’t care how badly I want a baby.”  His short nod and clamp of his mouth was all she needed to continue.  “I know I’m stubborn.  I danced around my feelings for you for four years and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life.  If I keep hesitating on motherhood, it will be too late, and I might miss the next best thing in my life.”  She closed the tablet again, putting it on her nightstand before turning to meet his eyes once more.  “I was leaning toward starting to try when you found out about Zach.  This whole situation had been another reason to wait, but I don’t want it to be if you don’t.”

“Are you saying…?”

She laughed then, the sound bursting from her chest and filling their bedroom with joy.  “Yes, Castle.  Let’s try for a baby.”  

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt from castlefanficprompts. Castle has another child [ teen ]He didn't know it.
> 
> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


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